Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Apologize to Your Wife

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While we were dating, my wife once told me "You are really good at apologizing" and she couldn't stay mad at me long.  Of course, now that we have been  married for 4+ years, and after apologizing hundreds thousands of times, it's not quite as impressive.  Because I have used it so frequently, I have learned a thing or two about apologizing in marriage...
  • Stop doing things that you need to apologize for!  This one is pretty obvious the best apology is one that never has to be said!
  • Sincerity is the key.  You have to mean it, if you don't mean it, why apologize.  Also, they usually know when you aren't sincere.
  • Apologizing means that you will try to stop what you are apologizing for.  For example, don't apologize for not helping out more around the house, if you don't intend on putting in a little effort.
  • Apologize even if its not your fault. This is hard.  This level of humility is very important in a marriage (expect a post dedicated to humility soon)
  • Be the first to apologize.  After an argument, always try to be the first to apologize! Apologizing second is the easy way out... give it to your wife.
So go apologize to your wife! ...I'm sure there's something you did wrong, or could be doing better.

Update: After writing this post I found a great, more in depth, post on apologizing in marriage from Happily Married After - check it out.
Posted by Eric - BHF
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2 comments:

  1. David PatrickJuly 6, 2010 at 4:16 PM

    Eric -

    Thanks for the shout out today. I can't wait to read your post on humility

    ReplyDelete
  2. landschoonerJuly 7, 2010 at 4:28 PM

    ** Apologize even if its not your fault. This is hard. This level of humility is very important in a marriage (expect a post dedicated to humility soon) **

    I used to agree with this. But humility does not require it. I've been married 18 years and have learned that this behavior can lead to your spouse, even unwittingly, treating you like a doormat. My wife almost never apologizes. I apologize almost reflexively. I used to apologize for everything just to keep the peace. But I learned that its important even in HER eyes that I don't act like a doormat all the time. If I'm right, and I know it, its important to stand up for myself and say "I'm correct in this. You treated me unfairly" etc.

    You see, my wife believes what I say. If I apologize, then she WILL believe that I was wrong. "Hey, he apologized. He admitted being wrong, therefore I was right."

    This is not holding each other accountable which we are called to do.....with humility.

    I don't disagree with humility. How can I? But I won't apologize for something I didn't do anymore. I might apologize around it. Sometimes I will search for something to apologize for, like "I'm sorry for not giving you a heads up about this" or "I'm sorry for the way that I said that" But I won't apologize for doing or saying the right thing. That's falsehood.

    LS

    ReplyDelete

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