There are times in every man’s marriage (after the honeymoon phase) where his wife starts to feel simply like a friend. Friends, then, can easily and quickly become roommates. This vicious downward spiral can very easily result in becoming less than roommates; Exes! The chart below shows, in my view, what happens to a lot of marriages as husband and wife grow apart.
The following are a few strategies to break this trend and help your relationship avoid regressing to “friend” or “roommate” status:
Is she your #2 priority?
God is #1; Wife is #2. Keeping your priorities straight is the number 1 thing you can do to avoid growing apart. When we keep our Wife in that important #2 slot, we shouldn't let work, hobbies, friends, or even our children take our focus and time away from nurturing our marriage.
Do you court her?
When you were dating, before you got married, you willingly gave your time to take her out, get to know her and to generally impress her and make her want to spent more time with you; why stop after the vows? As people we are always changing, growing, and becoming slightly different individuals then we were last year (or month or week) without spending quality time with your wife to continuously get to know her, of course you’ll grow apart. When you take time out of your busy schedules every week to date your wife, instead of growing apart, you will change and develop as a couple while you develop individually!
Break the Routine
We are creatures of routine. In college I had a professor who gave us an assignment that on the next morning, we were to start shaving on the opposite side of our face then we normally did (other leg for females). This was harder than it sounds (try it!). We are all comfortable in a routine, even in our marriage we get into a routine; but the problems with routines is that too often they become boring. Even though it’s the routine that can be boring, its easy to interpret your marriage as being boring. Keep things exciting! Leave love notes, surprise her with flowers, or even stay up extra later than usual on and week-night and just talk! Its hard to be spontaneous when you have a family, but try and it will pay off huge dividends in your relationship with your wife.
Love is a choice
You’ve heard it before, but love is a choice! You need to wake up each morning and choose to love your wife. Some days will be harder than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you choose to love your wife. This means that you need to work hard, serve, and make it a conscious choice.
How do you avoid becoming friends or roommates? How have you recovered from such a phase in your marriage?
