Happy Summer!
Since today is the first day of summer and wedding season is already in full swing, I thought I would would share my list of 5 lessons every new husband should know:
#1 - Love is a choice - This is a difficult one to accept. I didn't want to believe it, thinking/hoping the honeymoon feeling will last forever, but it does not! As time goes on a concerted effort most be made to love your wife. Find out how your wife best feels love and continually tell and show her that you love her.
#2 - Marriage is like a roller coaster - When I got married I was told there will be arguments and contention, but I was so naive that I thought "why does there have to be any fighting?...not in my marriage!" However, I found this to be unrealistic very quickly. Contention comes and goes in waves, and so do challenges with money, health, and parenting; so have patience and enjoy the ride.
#3 - From "me" to "us" - In reality, its from "me" to "her." You are now living your life for your wife and family. Every decision you make, you must consider impacts on your family. Its no longer what you want for dinner, or what you want to watch, etc, its what "we" want. And I would suggest more often than not, its what she wants, because they should get their way most of the time!
#4 - Finance 101 - Money can very easily cause contention in marriage. It is very important early on to have honest and open dialogue about hows this is gong to work in your marriage: joint account? who pays the bills? etc... If you are like most Americans, you will also go through times of financial instability, during these times develop flexible and specific budgets, and be honest with your wife about purchases.
#5 - Sacrifices - When you are married you must make sacrifices for you wife. One small example of a sacrifice is leisure time activities. Now, I believe it is important for you to have your separate hobbies, but, we must make sure our wife's needs are being met first; you will probably play less golf when you are married. You now serve your wife, she is number one, your ultimate goal is for her to be happy. You do what it takes to make that happen.
Did I miss anything? What advice would you give for a newly married husband?
Ideas and Discussion on how to be a Better Husband and a Better Father!
"They should get their way most of the time?"
ReplyDeleteI've been married for almost five years and I couldn't disagree more with this. It actually flies in the face of your whole "it's all about we" argument.
Marriage is a compromise. A 24/7 negotiation. Sometimes you give in, but I didn't get married just to give in all the time. My happiness is just as important as my wife's. When one person starts sacrificing their own happiness for the other all the time, that's when trouble starts.
I think we agree here, and perhaps I used the wrong choice of words. Its not about "getting her way." I do not sacrifice my happiness for my wife's.
ReplyDeleteBeing humble and submitting my preferences to my wife's is very rewarding to me and in no way sacrificing of my own happiness, but is an investment into our relationship. It makes me happy to put my wife's wants and needs ahead of my own.
When you have struggles, build a support system that does not include family. Family members rarely defend your spouse when you're whining about your marital struggles and they tend to look at your spouse differently when they know your "stuff". Find a group of men who will challenge you to be your best and not just take your side when you share your struggles.
ReplyDeleteIf you're looking for an advocate, caall mom & dad. If you want your marriage to succeed, don't. Thanksgiving dinner feels a bit awkward when everyone at the table knows your marital issues.