Marriage is a partnership, if we really want to improve it, it must be joint effort. Since I only write to half of the equation (husbands), there is another half to take into account as well. This can often complicate things... When a marriage is having problems who's fault is it?
Are you the problem?
This is the most important question you need to ask yourself when your marriage is struggling. If the answer is "Yes," then, well, you probably already know what you need to do. It gets a bit more tricky if you feel your wife may be the problem.
What if your wife is the problem?
I have imagined a lot of men reading my blog and saying to themselves, "Self, it's not your fault, you're doing everything you can to be a Better Husband... if only my wife tried once in a while." While your wife probably does have things to work on, we can't let this thinking be an excuse for you to keep you from making needed improvements in your own life. We can only change what we can control, we cannot control our wife!
We should do everything in our power to change ourselves first, then, if there are still issues, have the conversation with our wives about what we expect from her or things we would like her to change. Yes, I can imagine a scenario when it might be beneficial to make these changes together. You can support each other in making positive changes at the same time, but whatever you do, don't try to change your wife BEFORE you change yourself.
This is the reason why I started this blog. While I do feel my wife and I have a good marriage, I recognize there are ways I can be better. I want to make sure I do everything I can to help ensure we have a successful marriage and a happy family. I've got to do everything I can to change myself first, then... when I'm perfect, if we ever have problems...we know for sure who's fault it is :)
Ideas and Discussion on how to be a Better Husband and a Better Father!
I do get the gist of what you are saying, and why you're presenting this with the humorous tone. :) I do think that there's a problem there: people are prone to say "be perfect? I can't do that, so I am not even going to try doing what you say." So this may be counter-productive.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I do love the idea. :)
- @biffster
Yes, the perfection comment was meant to be humorous...suggesting that we should ALWAYS try to improve ourselves rather than pointing out flaws in our wife.
ReplyDeleteWhile perfection is impossible, I believe we should still try to be. The impossibility of perfection should not ever be made an excuse for our behavior - that lacks accountability.