Family Finances 101

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As husbands and fathers we are responsible to provide for our family, this is an obligation we do not take lightly (stay-at-home dads not excluded, while they are not making the money, they are still ensuring their family is provided for). Having this responsibility can be stressful,  especially during time when there is little to no disposable income for the family.  Money is also the cause of much contention in marriage and family.  How can we stay positive and have a happy family life in the midst of financial struggles?

• Review family finances with your wife.  Set aside an hour each week and review your financial situation, whether she it is you or her that does it on a more regular basis.  Make sure you both really know your financial situation, this goes a long way to avoid the little quarrels that grow from one spouse buying something the other feels they cannot afford. In addition, if you have older children consider sharing information with them about the family's circumstances.

• Create a budget, review and adjust weekly.  You always hear to create a budget.  I have heard all the excuses to not do this, in fact, I have used all the excuses to not this, but it is important nevertheless.  During your weekly financial reviews adjust the budget for your current situation. be flexible with your budget and make adjustments according to your circumstances

• Keep your priorities straight.  While money is important to your family's well-being, your family is more important than money.  Is constant fighting over money worth losing your family over?  In addition, if you have the opportunity to make extra money, but that means spending more time away from your wife and kids....don't do it.  Only do it if your family really needs the money.

• Money doesn't buy happiness, but it probably makes it easier.  Fighting about money is so easy, it will take patience and hard work to avoid (I am still working on this as well!) but its worth it!

What else do you do to keep peace during financial struggles? can money buy happiness? I would love to hear your thoughts?

Lastly, HAPPY MEMORIAL day! Have fun with your family!

Date your Wife!

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Do you date your wife? do you have fun together?

One of the ways, I think, that will make a good husband better is if you actively, and creatively date your wife. We get into routines in life that we need to break out of from time to time.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy dinner and a movie as much as the next guy, but if we step it up, we can really make our wives happy!

Date Thoughts and Ideas:

• Surprising your wife is a great idea. Schedule a date without her knowing where your going or what your doing.  Her excitement will increase with each passing day! (just make sure its not lame, or it will be a big let down!)

• Be Creative! I am bad at this.  Do things you haven't done before.  This take a bit of planning, but it will be fun and will show your wife she means enough to you come up with a creative idea and do a bit of planning.

• Spontaneity is fun!  Although spontaneity is more difficult with children, we should still try to incorporate this into our date-life with our wife.  A couple of weeks ago I saw airfare prices to southern California that I almost could not pass up, the only catch? we had to leave the next day! While we didn't  end up doing this, how happy would my wife have been if we had? (maybe I should have....)

• Dating with children is more difficult.  While, I am lucky enough to be surrounded by free babysitters from both sides of our family, many are not.  I recently came across a list of date ideas by The Romantic Vineyard blog called D.R.A.B - Doesn't Require A Babysitter. Take a look at their list here and I think you'll find many great ideas!

Dates are to spend time with and talk to you wife, get to know her better each day, and have fun!

Parents Television Council and CBS's New Show

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CBS recently announced the name of a new show (apparently based on a twitter account) titled "$#*! My Dad Says." Appropriately so, the Parents Television Council has plans to "wage an unrelenting campaign" against it. Good for you PTC, I've got your back!

It never ceases to amaze me what people put on TV these days.  I remember when I was a in my young teens I would look forward to some R or PG-13 movies made their TV debut, because, hey, now they were appropriate. Times have changed.  As the PTC points out in their press release, this is evidence of CBS's "contempt for families and the public." The media in general has contempt for families.

Families are being attacked right and left and we need to speak out in which ever ways we can.

Fathers and Husbands as Spiritual Leaders in the Home

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I originally titled this post "Fathers as Spiritual Leaders," but I think it is important for us to be good spiritual leader/examples to our wives as well.  I believe that is a role and responsibility that God has given us. There are two main ways we fulfill this charge, being an adviser and an example

Adviser
Being a spiritual adviser means teaching your family what God expects of them.  Teaching your children to pray, read scriptures, and keep the commandments.  Also, answering questions they may have, sharing insights into situations their facing, and most importantly building Faith in Christ.  Doing this provides the best opportunity for them to live happy Christ-centered lives and, hopefully, avoid some of the mistakes you made!

Example
Unfortunately your words are not enough, your family should see you living what you "preach." you should be reading scripture, living the commandments, and saying prayers. You should make God a priority in your life and they will rub off on those you're closely associated with.  Christ is an example to all, you should be an example of his example to your family.

We may not ever get to where we want to be with this responsibility, I know I am not, but we need to try everyday to be better for God, our self, wives, and our children.

Prioritizing Your Titles

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Dad, Husband, Accountant, Little league coach, Mariners' fan, etc. etc.

We have many roles, responsibilities, and titles.  Which one do you want to be known by?  which is most important in your life?

#1 -  Child of God: For obvious reasons our relationship with God is #1, we should seek daily to nourish this relationship.

#2 - Husband: I have been blessed with my wife's companionship and it is the #1 earthly relationship in my life.

#3 - Father: Many of you, no doubt would have this as #1.  However, you must remember that your children will grow up and have spouses of their own and create their own family....Our wives are forever.

Everything else: After family comes everything else.  This will be different for different people, and honestly, it doesn't matter too much what it is, as long at your top 3 are in place.

So, I ask again, which do you want to be known by? which title defines you? if it's not one of the top 3, you have some work to do.

Father and Son Contention

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Arguments between a father and a son will happen from time to time as a son grows.  As fathers it is our responsibility to always have control of the situation and control of our tempers.

I read an article this morning (found here) about a father throwing boiling water on his grown son.  While it appears that the father was intoxicated, he still lost his temper and lost sight of the sacred role and responsibility he has as a father, no matter how old his son is.

God has entrusted these boys and men into our care; we should always have that perspective and do all we can to fulfil this sacred responsibility.

A Husbands Housekeeping Duties

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What exactly is expected of Husbands when it comes to household chores?

When discussing Mother's day, I heard a woman recently say "My husband doesn't cook."  I honestly couldn't believe this.  Should there really be things you "don't do"?  I don't do much laundry, but I am willing to.

To me, Mother's day is a special day to honor the women in our lives, Husbands should make an effort to come up with at least a meal or two. If you really don't know how, learn a simple meal...or make some toast, just do something! Service and selflessness is at the foundation of marriage.

Fidelity Gene?!?

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There is a blog post today on the New York Times Health blog about the "Science of a Happy Marriage," and the so-called fidelity gene.

This is a very thought provoking article and there are things that I agree with and other things which I do not.  For one thing, I never want to give men an excuse for infidelity, so we need to remember that.  I am not arguing that the gene does not exist, I am simply saying that men need to take responsibility for their wrong actions, genetics or not.

One thing I like was the study mentioned about how you can overcome the gene and train yourself to resist temptations.  God gave us commandments and gave us choice.  I believe we can be genetically susceptible to certain temptations, but we need to choose to ignore those temptations. We have control over ALL of our choices, our genes don't make our decisions.

Family Fun at the Zoo!

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I just thought I would share a bit about how important and fun family activities can be.  It is very hard to do with children so small, but with our son being almost 2, we decided to give it a shot and head to the zoo this morning.

It was a beautiful day in Seattle and at the Woodland Park Zoo, and we had such a fun time as a family.  They highlight of the trip was our son running around in the petting zoo calling the goats "cows." It was great fun and it reminded me how important these little family outings are! (even if it does cost $16.50 for an adult!!)

betterhusbandsandfathers.com!

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I have dropped the 'blogspot'  in the URL and this blog can now be found at www.betterhusbandsandfathers.com

The last few days it has been in transition, so the RSS feeds haven't been working properly, but they should be up and running now.

Mother's Day Help and Gift Ideas!

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While we should appreciate our wives everyday, we have one special day in May to recognize and pamper them.  So how do you do it? 

There are the staples of flowers and breakfast in bed or a day at the spa. but how do we make mother's day memorable for them and really show we care? this is a difficult question for me, so I would like to hear some of your ideas, but here are a few of my thoughts...

• Make Mother's Day Different - A gift and a card is not enough.  We need to make sure they are treated different, you and the kids will should do all chores, and your daily routine should be thrown out the window

•  Thoughtful Gifts - Flowers and candy are great and you probably should get these too, but I think there needs to be something else, something that says 'he really knows me and loves me.' 

• Express Your Appreciation - If your wife doesn't not know how much you appreciate her, you're doing something wrong.  Mother's day is a great opportunity to write a long love note, or sit her down and tell her how much she means to you and how much she does means to you.

So now that I've shared some ideas with you, I better go figure out what in the world I am going to do for my wife on Sunday!!

My top 5 ways to be a better father

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As a follow-up to my post on how to be a better Husband, I will layout my top 5 ways that I feel we can be better fathers.  I'd like to preface this post by saying I still have less then 2 years experience being a father, so I am somewhat shooting in the dark here....please correct me where I am wrong.

#1 - Spending time and getting involved
Life is busy, but we make time for what is important for us.  Not only are our children important to us, but we are important to them.  They need us, they depend on us.  I only have one child, but if you have more than one I would say that one-on-one time with each of your children is also important.  Learn about who they are, ask them questions, get to know their struggles, desires, and goals. Involve yourself into their lives by coaching their sports team, taking them fishing, or finding some other hobby to share.  This will help grow the bond between father and child.

#2 - Have Patience
As I have become a father I have needed to improve this "virtue." Whether its being awake all night, throwing tantrums, not eating what their given, and so much more children try our patience.  Having patience with your children will send a message of love to them, while losing your temper or yelling could have lasting negative consequences.

#3 - Say "I Love You"
Just as saying I love you to your wife is important, saying I love you to your children is also important.  I believe expressions of love are as important for their emotional development and just knowing that Dad loves them.

#4 -Be a Good Example
This is the best way to teach your children.  By your example you can teach them integrity, honesty, spirituality, patience and much, much more. Your actions speak louder than your words.  You children need to see how they should act.

#5 -Respect their Mother
Whether married, divorced, or never wed, respect your children's mother.  Most likely their mother is very close to them and they love her, so its your job to at least respect her.  This obviously becomes more important when you are married to their mother, you should always love and honor her.  In addition, for your sons, this should lead to a lifelong commitment to respect the women in his life.

As always, please let me know where I missed the mark, or what tips you have!

My top 5 ways to be a better husband

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I have been thinking about how I can be a better Husband, so I thought I would try to compile a list of what I see as the top 5 things we, as husbands, can do for our wives.  These are things that are above and beyond, things that would impress your wife and make her feel special. (I am assuming you are doing the basics, like being faithful, honest, etc...)

I am sure your list would have differences, so please let me know where I am wrong!  It is my goal  to start discussions with my posts and get your feedback.  Let me know what you think are some things you can do to be a better husband.

#1 - Say "I Love You"
This is one that I, personally have never had a problem with (I think my wife probably thinks I say it too much!). I understand, however, that many men do not verbally express their love to their wife.  This is number one on my list, but it is also the easiest one to do! It's three simple words that will mean the world to your wife, make sure she knows you love her, tell her "I love you" everyday.

#2 - Service
One of the biggest culture shocks to me after I got married was that it was no longer about "Me," it was all about "Us."  Often, however, it should be all about "Her."  I believe that the best kind of service is in the small things we do.  For example, I went to Applebees recently to pick up some food to bring home for dinner.  As I was waiting for my food to be ready an elderly couple walked into the restaurant--after requesting a booth, they were seated at the booth closest to the front door.  As they walked to their seats, the Gentlemen kindly told his wife that he would sit on the side nearest to the the front door so she wouldn't get cold. He was putting his wife comfort above his own.

It is doing the dishes, getting her a glass of water, and overall putting her needs before yours.  Unlike #1, this one requires more effort.  There have been times in my marriage where this was easy, but also times where I started getting selfish and worrying about my needs ahead of my wife's.  When we serve our wives we are  better husbands and our wives are happy.

#3 - Holding Hands
Physical contact can say a lot that words cannot.  We have all seen the couple who have been married for 40+ years holding each others hands, and we know that they love each other.  This is one of the greatest ways that those around you will know you love and care for your wife.  Often I am guilty of walking a few strides ahead of my wife (I have long legs!) Think about how that looks compared to a couple who are walking side-by-side hand-in-hand.  Not only will others know you love her, she will know you love her.

#4 - Surprises
I am very bad at this.  Whenever I decide to surprise my wife, I will always end up telling her before the surprise.  This is about spontaneity, having fun, and letting her know you are thinking about her.  Life often gets bogged down into a routine, but when your wife gets a surprise weekend getaway, or you surprise her with taking the day off work to spend time with her, she will melt!  Other ideas include leaving her notes where she will find them throughout the day, bringing home flowers on a day that is not a special occasion, or just calling her in the middle of the day to tell her you appreciate her. All women are different, but all woman also enjoy surprises.

#5 - Date Night
More important then the date itself is that you spend quality time with her.  Watching TV together after the kids are in bed probably does not count (although we've had many at-home movie nights for dates).  This gives you time to talk to each other about your schedules, you could get a hobby together or just go out to dinner. Also, this doesn't even have to cost money, you could make sandwiches and go to the beach, you could go for a long walk together, or many other things...be creative! If you were like me, when you were courting our wife-to-be, you took her on all kinds of extravagant dates to impress her...continue to court your wife and it will make you a better husband.

Welcome to Better Husbands and Fathers!

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Welcome to the blog I titled "Better Husbands and Fathers!"  First, it certainly is not my intention that I lecture you on how to be a better husband or father, believe me, I need to work on this too.  Rather I intend to create discussion among men who want to improve the two most important relationships in their lives.

The world today is full of bad examples of husbands and fathers. It seems everyday that you hear of another prominent man who has been unfaithful or otherwise not valued his responsibility as husband or father. Divorce rates are skyrocketing. On TV, Men are portrayed as perverts, sex addicts, drunks, or a myriad other negative stereotypes-- and their wives put up with it. I know there are many women and children out there who demand and deserve more from the most important men in their lives and I know there are men, like us, who want to be the men our wives and children deserve.

So, how do we do it?