The Date: Husband and wife are pulled their separate ways on a daily basis. If not careful this can lead to growing apart from each other. To combat this, I am a huge proponent of pillow talk, but often just catching up on the day is not enough. We will have a conversation for our date this week! When I say a conversation, I mean we will turn off the TV, phones, computer, and all distractions and have an in depth meaningful exchange.
Ideas and Discussion on how to be a Better Husband and a Better Father!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Spiritual Thought: Is it I?
During the last week of Jesus' life he ate what is known as in Christendom as "The Last Supper." He was surrounded by his twelve apostles for the Passover feast. During this event, He declared "one of you shall betray me."
Monday, July 26, 2010
A Better Husband and Father Case Study
Recently there was a blog post on the Motherlode parenting blog from the New York Times. This post shared a story of a reader, her troubled marriage, and it's effect on their child. She explains her husband's problems and how its his fault (Keep in mind that this was written by a wife about her husband, so we only have one side of the story). Whether all the facts are there or not, I want to use this husband as a case study, because the problems he is allegedly causing and how he's causing them are not uncommon in marriage.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Date Your Wife: Nightlife!
The Date: We didn't have much of a nightlife before we got married, but getting married and especially having children eliminated what little was there. So this week we decided to hit the town! We actually did this date on Wednesday night because we were attending a rock concert where my wife's brother was performing at a bar in downtown Seattle. Dates don't always have to be on the weekend and, in fact, some of the best dates happen during the week. Anyway, We got a family member to watch our son and we were off to party the night away! (ok, so we were home by 11pm, but that is still late for us). We did feel a bit out of place there (having no tattoos nor drinking any alcohol) but it was still fun to see my brother-in-law perform on stage and to spend some child-less time with my wife!
The Challenge: Get back into the nightlife scene for a night, such as a comedy club, a concert, or dancing! or do something similar you haven't done since you were married. Whatever you do, just have fun and spend time together. Like always, Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: Free - okay I'll admit we carpooled with my in-laws and they ended up paying our admission, but hey, it was free for us! For you, it shouldn't be too expensive, depending on your specific plans.
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Baking
The Challenge: Get back into the nightlife scene for a night, such as a comedy club, a concert, or dancing! or do something similar you haven't done since you were married. Whatever you do, just have fun and spend time together. Like always, Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: Free - okay I'll admit we carpooled with my in-laws and they ended up paying our admission, but hey, it was free for us! For you, it shouldn't be too expensive, depending on your specific plans.
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Baking
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Time Machine
Unfortunately I got next to no traffic during my first 2 weeks of starting this blog, while blogging almost everyday. That means there is a lot of good material out there that most of you have not seen! So, instead of writing a new post today, here's some links of posts that will probably be new to you!
My Top 5 Ways to be a Better Husband
My Top 5 Ways to be a Better Father
Fidelity Gene ?!?
Prioritizing Your Titles - One of my favorite posts!
Fathers and Husbands as Spiritual Leaders
Enjoy and, as always, let me know your thoughts in the comments!
My Top 5 Ways to be a Better Husband
My Top 5 Ways to be a Better Father
Fidelity Gene ?!?
Prioritizing Your Titles - One of my favorite posts!
Fathers and Husbands as Spiritual Leaders
Enjoy and, as always, let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Spiritual Thought: Joseph's Obedience
I have been thinking a lot Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus. I cannot imagine the emotions he was gong through when he found out that Mary was going to have a baby! They were not married, nor had the "known" each other. Naturally, Joseph's reaction is to "put her away" or leave her. What comes next is an important lesson...
God sent an angel to Joseph to deliver the message that Mary was, in fact, going to have a baby, and that this baby was "of the Holy Ghost." We can learn a lot from Joseph's reaction - "...[Joseph] did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife." Joseph received communication from heaven that he should marry Mary, so he did it! Joseph relied on God and showed obedience in one of the most trying times in his life. Are we sensitive to God's prompting in our life and for our families? When we receive inspiration from heaven are we as obedient as Joseph?
Action Item: God wants us to have happy families and He will use us to accomplish this, He will help us be a better father and a better husband. He wants you to be the Spiritual Leader in your home and will guide us through the inspiration of His Spirit, but we must be obedient to it - only when we are obedient to what He gives us, will He give us more!
God sent an angel to Joseph to deliver the message that Mary was, in fact, going to have a baby, and that this baby was "of the Holy Ghost." We can learn a lot from Joseph's reaction - "...[Joseph] did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife." Joseph received communication from heaven that he should marry Mary, so he did it! Joseph relied on God and showed obedience in one of the most trying times in his life. Are we sensitive to God's prompting in our life and for our families? When we receive inspiration from heaven are we as obedient as Joseph?
Action Item: God wants us to have happy families and He will use us to accomplish this, He will help us be a better father and a better husband. He wants you to be the Spiritual Leader in your home and will guide us through the inspiration of His Spirit, but we must be obedient to it - only when we are obedient to what He gives us, will He give us more!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Is Your Wife the Problem?
Marriage is a partnership, if we really want to improve it, it must be joint effort. Since I only write to half of the equation (husbands), there is another half to take into account as well. This can often complicate things... When a marriage is having problems who's fault is it?
Are you the problem?
This is the most important question you need to ask yourself when your marriage is struggling. If the answer is "Yes," then, well, you probably already know what you need to do. It gets a bit more tricky if you feel your wife may be the problem.
What if your wife is the problem?
I have imagined a lot of men reading my blog and saying to themselves, "Self, it's not your fault, you're doing everything you can to be a Better Husband... if only my wife tried once in a while." While your wife probably does have things to work on, we can't let this thinking be an excuse for you to keep you from making needed improvements in your own life. We can only change what we can control, we cannot control our wife!
We should do everything in our power to change ourselves first, then, if there are still issues, have the conversation with our wives about what we expect from her or things we would like her to change. Yes, I can imagine a scenario when it might be beneficial to make these changes together. You can support each other in making positive changes at the same time, but whatever you do, don't try to change your wife BEFORE you change yourself.
This is the reason why I started this blog. While I do feel my wife and I have a good marriage, I recognize there are ways I can be better. I want to make sure I do everything I can to help ensure we have a successful marriage and a happy family. I've got to do everything I can to change myself first, then... when I'm perfect, if we ever have problems...we know for sure who's fault it is :)
Are you the problem?
This is the most important question you need to ask yourself when your marriage is struggling. If the answer is "Yes," then, well, you probably already know what you need to do. It gets a bit more tricky if you feel your wife may be the problem.
What if your wife is the problem?
I have imagined a lot of men reading my blog and saying to themselves, "Self, it's not your fault, you're doing everything you can to be a Better Husband... if only my wife tried once in a while." While your wife probably does have things to work on, we can't let this thinking be an excuse for you to keep you from making needed improvements in your own life. We can only change what we can control, we cannot control our wife!
We should do everything in our power to change ourselves first, then, if there are still issues, have the conversation with our wives about what we expect from her or things we would like her to change. Yes, I can imagine a scenario when it might be beneficial to make these changes together. You can support each other in making positive changes at the same time, but whatever you do, don't try to change your wife BEFORE you change yourself.
This is the reason why I started this blog. While I do feel my wife and I have a good marriage, I recognize there are ways I can be better. I want to make sure I do everything I can to help ensure we have a successful marriage and a happy family. I've got to do everything I can to change myself first, then... when I'm perfect, if we ever have problems...we know for sure who's fault it is :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Baby #2 Pregnancy Update!
This week, I heard Baby #2's heart beat!
My wife is now 11 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child and I am so excited to be having another baby! (Though, I must admit, it is a bit daunting to think of doubling the number of my children before I even feel like I have the hang of this dad thing - I am still on my quest to become a Better Father!). Hopefully my wife will start feeling better soon as she wraps up the last week in her first trimester. In addition, her doctor has moved her due date up 3 or 4 days! it is now Feb. 6th!
We did get some more good news too, the complications from the first pregnancy (chronic abruption) are nowhere to be seen! Although, this doesn't mean it won't develop, and due to my wife's uterine anomaly, the baby will still likely be born early...though hopefully we can get past 30 weeks this time!
It is so awesome to hear your unborn baby's heartbeat. A human is growing inside my wife! I am also in awe of my wife. She puts up with discomfort, morning sickness, and the prospects of major abdominal surgery (C-section), and she's happy to do it! She's amazing, thanks honey!
My wife is now 11 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child and I am so excited to be having another baby! (Though, I must admit, it is a bit daunting to think of doubling the number of my children before I even feel like I have the hang of this dad thing - I am still on my quest to become a Better Father!). Hopefully my wife will start feeling better soon as she wraps up the last week in her first trimester. In addition, her doctor has moved her due date up 3 or 4 days! it is now Feb. 6th!
We did get some more good news too, the complications from the first pregnancy (chronic abruption) are nowhere to be seen! Although, this doesn't mean it won't develop, and due to my wife's uterine anomaly, the baby will still likely be born early...though hopefully we can get past 30 weeks this time!
It is so awesome to hear your unborn baby's heartbeat. A human is growing inside my wife! I am also in awe of my wife. She puts up with discomfort, morning sickness, and the prospects of major abdominal surgery (C-section), and she's happy to do it! She's amazing, thanks honey!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Date Your Wife: Baking
The Date: I have always loved to bake, so we've done similar dates in the past, like making dinner together, and its always so much fun. I think these types of things make excellent dates because you are working together for a common goal...then you get to eat it! We haven't decided specifically what we will be making, but we do love chocolate cookies, so if I had to guess, it would be that. after baking, we will probably end up watching a movie together cuddling on the couch!
To spice this up a bit, you could try to make a heart-shaped cookie or you could each make something different that you know your spouse will love. The important part is that you talk, have fun, and spend quality time with each other.
The Challenge: Since there are endless ways you could use baking or cooking as a date, find a way to do it in a way that is best for you and your wife. If you don't do this, just make sure you find some time somehow to spend quality time with your wife! Like always, in the name of accountability, Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: $5-10. Just the cost of ingredients!
Update: First, I have to say that trying to make a heart shaped chocolate cookie is A LOT harder that it sounds. Second, my wife really loves the Nestle Tollhouse refrigerated dough, so despite my attempt to have a baking extravaganza, we just made cookie from store-bought dough. We did, have fun eating them all together and we watched Forrest Gump while we ate! It was a fun date!
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Breakfast!
To spice this up a bit, you could try to make a heart-shaped cookie or you could each make something different that you know your spouse will love. The important part is that you talk, have fun, and spend quality time with each other.
The Challenge: Since there are endless ways you could use baking or cooking as a date, find a way to do it in a way that is best for you and your wife. If you don't do this, just make sure you find some time somehow to spend quality time with your wife! Like always, in the name of accountability, Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: $5-10. Just the cost of ingredients!
Update: First, I have to say that trying to make a heart shaped chocolate cookie is A LOT harder that it sounds. Second, my wife really loves the Nestle Tollhouse refrigerated dough, so despite my attempt to have a baking extravaganza, we just made cookie from store-bought dough. We did, have fun eating them all together and we watched Forrest Gump while we ate! It was a fun date!
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Breakfast!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
The Recession and US Birth Rates
Did you know that the US birth rate dropped in 2008 for the first time since 2001? In a very interesting study from the Pew Research Center, we learn that the birth rate is pretty closely correlated with the economy. I hadn't ever thought about this and found it very intriguing (they have a lot of awesome charts and graphs, so go check it out...after you finish here).
The study only has data through 2008, but I am sure there was another decrease in 2009, due to the recession. Also, does it surprise you that in 2001 there was also a drop? I read somewhere that there is even a link between birth rates and natural or man made disasters. It seems that, not only did the events of 9/11 kill thousands of people, it may have prevented many more thousands from being born! (no, I can't back that up, but its something to think about).
Another question I have about the US birth rate trend is this....If there was a huge baby boom in and around the '50s, shouldn't we have seen another moderate boom around the '70s? Why didn't the boomers have many kids?
It looks like after we have Baby #2 we will be just about the average American family. Now, just have to figure out how to have 1/4 of a child.....
The study only has data through 2008, but I am sure there was another decrease in 2009, due to the recession. Also, does it surprise you that in 2001 there was also a drop? I read somewhere that there is even a link between birth rates and natural or man made disasters. It seems that, not only did the events of 9/11 kill thousands of people, it may have prevented many more thousands from being born! (no, I can't back that up, but its something to think about).
Another question I have about the US birth rate trend is this....If there was a huge baby boom in and around the '50s, shouldn't we have seen another moderate boom around the '70s? Why didn't the boomers have many kids?
It looks like after we have Baby #2 we will be just about the average American family. Now, just have to figure out how to have 1/4 of a child.....
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
My First Wordless Wednesday!
So, I guess it was inevitable. I have decided to start participating in Dad Blogs Wordless Wednesday! Here we go!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Playing God with Pregnancies
Have you heard of the newest innovation in family planning? It actually gives "family planning" a whole new meaning. It's called "preservation in vitro fertilization," I first read about it in a recent article from The Washington Post. It involves freezing a perfectly fertile and healthy couple's embryos when they are young (and genetically more likely to have healthy babies) until they are "financially stable" and "have more parenting time."
Here's what I think...
Apart from it being weird and kinda creepy when you first read about freezing embryos, I do not agree with this and let me tell you why. I believe there is a certain order in life that God has given us. There is a time to be a child, a time to learn, and a time to be a parent, etc. According to a woman's most fertile years it appears God has established ages of approx. 20-40 to be the time to have children. I don't think we should try to find loopholes for our body's natural limitations or tendencies.
In addition, I think the couple from this article have their priorities mixed up. Evidence of this is that she says that have to wait until they have more time to spend with their child...you make sacrifices and make time. She is 32 and is still not ready to have a child, do you think she will ever be ready? They don't think that they are in a good enough financial position to have a child, and yet they spend more than $10,000 on freezing their embryos (I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have been able to afford that before we had our son). It seems to me if a fertile and happily married couple, who want children, and are financially secure (and sounds like they do have the financial means) aren't ready in their early 30's, they may never be ready...also, is any one ever ready?
I am very interested to hear what you all think about this....let me know in the comments.
Here's what I think...
Apart from it being weird and kinda creepy when you first read about freezing embryos, I do not agree with this and let me tell you why. I believe there is a certain order in life that God has given us. There is a time to be a child, a time to learn, and a time to be a parent, etc. According to a woman's most fertile years it appears God has established ages of approx. 20-40 to be the time to have children. I don't think we should try to find loopholes for our body's natural limitations or tendencies.
In addition, I think the couple from this article have their priorities mixed up. Evidence of this is that she says that have to wait until they have more time to spend with their child...you make sacrifices and make time. She is 32 and is still not ready to have a child, do you think she will ever be ready? They don't think that they are in a good enough financial position to have a child, and yet they spend more than $10,000 on freezing their embryos (I don't know about you, but I wouldn't have been able to afford that before we had our son). It seems to me if a fertile and happily married couple, who want children, and are financially secure (and sounds like they do have the financial means) aren't ready in their early 30's, they may never be ready...also, is any one ever ready?
I am very interested to hear what you all think about this....let me know in the comments.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Being a Better Husband and a Better Father Through Humility
Humility can help you become a better husband and a better father - It is also the cure for much of the contention in marriage and family life.
What is Humility?
One of the dictionary definitions I like the best defines humility as "not proud or arrogant." Humility then, is the opposite of pride. It is recognizing that others lives, opinions, and feelings are just as important as our own. Humility is often spoken of in a religious context - accepting God's will in our lives, acknowledging that he knows whats best for us, and submitting ourselves to his commandments. So what does it mean in our family?
Humility as a Husband
Humility allows you to be a better husband by you viewing your wife on the same level as you, by understanding that you are equal partners in the relationship and in the family. It also helps you be able to admit wrong-doing, apologize, and even just admit when you have made a mistake.
Can you imagine how little contention there would be in marriage, if we didn't always have to be right, if we didn't care if we had things our way, if we were always quick to apologize, or if we always put our wife's need above out own? This kind of perfect humility is impossible to obtain, but we need to try for it, because to be a better husband, you must be humble.
Humility as a Father
For those of you that are fathers, you know how humbling it is to be able to take part in a process that creates life. Its a miracle and humbling to know that you have been given this power with your wife. I think when you have young children it can be harder to be humble toward them, some even openly exercise dominion over them. It is so important that your children know you respect and value them. Young children often view their parents as infallible, but they need to know that even you make mistakes. Also, if we are humble and teachable, our children will teach us!
Humility is key to your family's happiness, but pride is one of the hardest challenges to overcome (for me at least). Try to be a better husband and a better father by being humble, I know you will see a difference!
What is Humility?
One of the dictionary definitions I like the best defines humility as "not proud or arrogant." Humility then, is the opposite of pride. It is recognizing that others lives, opinions, and feelings are just as important as our own. Humility is often spoken of in a religious context - accepting God's will in our lives, acknowledging that he knows whats best for us, and submitting ourselves to his commandments. So what does it mean in our family?
Humility as a Husband
Humility allows you to be a better husband by you viewing your wife on the same level as you, by understanding that you are equal partners in the relationship and in the family. It also helps you be able to admit wrong-doing, apologize, and even just admit when you have made a mistake.
Can you imagine how little contention there would be in marriage, if we didn't always have to be right, if we didn't care if we had things our way, if we were always quick to apologize, or if we always put our wife's need above out own? This kind of perfect humility is impossible to obtain, but we need to try for it, because to be a better husband, you must be humble.
Humility as a Father
For those of you that are fathers, you know how humbling it is to be able to take part in a process that creates life. Its a miracle and humbling to know that you have been given this power with your wife. I think when you have young children it can be harder to be humble toward them, some even openly exercise dominion over them. It is so important that your children know you respect and value them. Young children often view their parents as infallible, but they need to know that even you make mistakes. Also, if we are humble and teachable, our children will teach us!
Humility is key to your family's happiness, but pride is one of the hardest challenges to overcome (for me at least). Try to be a better husband and a better father by being humble, I know you will see a difference!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Spiritual Thought: Joshua
I was recently reading about Joshua in The Bible. Joshua lead the children of Israel into the promise land. He helped them cross through the Jordan River on dry ground and helped them fall the walls of Jericho. What can we learn from this great prophet?
"Choose you this day whom ye will serve; ...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)
This verse of scripture is the greatest thing we can learn from Joshua, not only was he the leader of the Israelites, but also a righteous leader in his own family. Through this we are taught something about parenting - Joshua gave the people their agency, taught them about the Lord, and set a righteous example by stating that he would serve the Lord. Because of his example the people respond to Joshua's question of whom to serve with "The Lord our God will we serve, and his voice will we obey" (Joshua 24:24). When we teach our children and set an example for them to follow, we can encourage them to make good choices.
Action Item: Like, Joshua, be a spiritual leader in your home. To do this, decide to serve the Lord, teach your children about the Lord, and set a righteous example for them.
"Choose you this day whom ye will serve; ...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)
This verse of scripture is the greatest thing we can learn from Joshua, not only was he the leader of the Israelites, but also a righteous leader in his own family. Through this we are taught something about parenting - Joshua gave the people their agency, taught them about the Lord, and set a righteous example by stating that he would serve the Lord. Because of his example the people respond to Joshua's question of whom to serve with "The Lord our God will we serve, and his voice will we obey" (Joshua 24:24). When we teach our children and set an example for them to follow, we can encourage them to make good choices.
Action Item: Like, Joshua, be a spiritual leader in your home. To do this, decide to serve the Lord, teach your children about the Lord, and set a righteous example for them.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Introducing: Spritual Thoughts
As I continue to get the hang of this blogging thing (its been about 2 months!) I am starting to get a little better organized about my posts. The weekly Date Your Wife posts which were introduced a few weeks ago are successful and very fun to write. So, I have decided to introduce a new series to Better Husbands and Fathers called Spiritual Thoughts!
The reason I have decided to do this is because Christianity and religion are big parts of my life and a large contributor to my efforts to become a Better Husband and Father. Also, being spiritual leaders in the home is a very important role for a husband and father.
Some posts will be from The Bible, others will be quotations, and some will simply be spiritual reflections from my experiences as a husband and father. All Spiritual Thought posts will have one thing in common, at bottom of every post is an action item - something that you can implement in your own life.
I've got my first one set up to post tomorrow, but I don't expect them to be a predictable, weekly feature.
I hope you'll enjoy these as much as I'll enjoy writing them!
The reason I have decided to do this is because Christianity and religion are big parts of my life and a large contributor to my efforts to become a Better Husband and Father. Also, being spiritual leaders in the home is a very important role for a husband and father.
Some posts will be from The Bible, others will be quotations, and some will simply be spiritual reflections from my experiences as a husband and father. All Spiritual Thought posts will have one thing in common, at bottom of every post is an action item - something that you can implement in your own life.
I've got my first one set up to post tomorrow, but I don't expect them to be a predictable, weekly feature.
I hope you'll enjoy these as much as I'll enjoy writing them!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Date Your Wife: Breakfast!
The Date: To add a little "creativity" to the standard dinner date, this weekend, we've decided to go out to breakfast! pretty creative, huh? Not really, but breakfast is our favorite meal, so it will be a lot of fun. Afterward, we are planning to go for a walk for a little exercise and more uplifting conversation. We will ditch our son with his grandma and have a good couple of hours of alone. Since we missed our date last week, I am really looking forward to this date.
The Challenge: Go out to breakfast! Or you could take one of your usual dates and mix it up a little, do it at a different time or in a different way. This can make it exciting and be very fun. (yes, I understand that going out to breakfast instead of dinner, isn't very creative, but its still fun!). Whatever you decide to do, make sure you Date Your Wife! ...in the name of accountability, Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: $15. This is one of the greatest benefits of this date, its inexpensive!
Update: This morning we dropped off our son with his grandparents and went to Denny's! we had a good meal and then sat and talked for a while about our baby we are expecting and reviewed some baby names, etc. It was so good to sit down and have a good conversation with my wife without anything interrupting! Also, my $15 estimate was dead-on, the total was $15.18!
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Kayaking!
The Challenge: Go out to breakfast! Or you could take one of your usual dates and mix it up a little, do it at a different time or in a different way. This can make it exciting and be very fun. (yes, I understand that going out to breakfast instead of dinner, isn't very creative, but its still fun!). Whatever you decide to do, make sure you Date Your Wife! ...in the name of accountability, Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: $15. This is one of the greatest benefits of this date, its inexpensive!
Update: This morning we dropped off our son with his grandparents and went to Denny's! we had a good meal and then sat and talked for a while about our baby we are expecting and reviewed some baby names, etc. It was so good to sit down and have a good conversation with my wife without anything interrupting! Also, my $15 estimate was dead-on, the total was $15.18!
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Kayaking!
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Guest Post at "Intimacy in Marriage"
Julie Sibert is the woman behind Intimacy in Marriage. She recently asked me to do a guest post on her blog - My first guest post of my blogging career was posted on her blog yesterday afternoon!
I wrote about the importance of intimacy between husband and wife and how it impacts the family and children. There are a lot of good stuff in it and I really enjoyed writing it. So what are you waiting for? Go check it out!
(and make sure to leave a comment and let me know what you think!)
I wrote about the importance of intimacy between husband and wife and how it impacts the family and children. There are a lot of good stuff in it and I really enjoyed writing it. So what are you waiting for? Go check it out!
(and make sure to leave a comment and let me know what you think!)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The Power of Talking
So, I'm a little embarrassed to admit that the idea behind this post came from NBC's new show "Losing it with Jillian." (I'm a fan of The Biggest Loser and I guess the interest carried over). In addition to helping families lose weight and be more healthy, Jillian comes in and often strengthens family relationships too.
In this particular episode, the father of the family was very emotionally distant from his children and his wife. He said that he always thought being a good husband and father simply meant bringing home a paycheck - this is what his father had taught him. The solution they came up with for him? Talk to your wife and children!
Talking to your wife can do wonders for your relationship. I mean really talking; setting aside 15-20 minutes each day to "catch up." This is still something I am trying to do every day, but one thing that has helped us with this is that my wife and I always go to bed at the same time. We use this time to talk to each other. Often we don't talk about anything significant - things that happened that day, funny stories about our son, or even just the schedule for the next day. I find that no matter what we talk about we always feel closer afterward.
In addition, making sure you spend time talking and really listening to your children individually is also very important and impactful. Get to know their interests, fears, desires, goals, etc. When you do this your children will know you love them and that you will always be there for them. They will feel like they can come to you with questions and concerns.
so, go and be a better husband and father just by talking!
In this particular episode, the father of the family was very emotionally distant from his children and his wife. He said that he always thought being a good husband and father simply meant bringing home a paycheck - this is what his father had taught him. The solution they came up with for him? Talk to your wife and children!
Talking to your wife can do wonders for your relationship. I mean really talking; setting aside 15-20 minutes each day to "catch up." This is still something I am trying to do every day, but one thing that has helped us with this is that my wife and I always go to bed at the same time. We use this time to talk to each other. Often we don't talk about anything significant - things that happened that day, funny stories about our son, or even just the schedule for the next day. I find that no matter what we talk about we always feel closer afterward.
In addition, making sure you spend time talking and really listening to your children individually is also very important and impactful. Get to know their interests, fears, desires, goals, etc. When you do this your children will know you love them and that you will always be there for them. They will feel like they can come to you with questions and concerns.
so, go and be a better husband and father just by talking!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Apologize to Your Wife
While we were dating, my wife once told me "You are really good at apologizing" and she couldn't stay mad at me long. Of course, now that we have been married for 4+ years, and after apologizing hundreds thousands of times, it's not quite as impressive. Because I have used it so frequently, I have learned a thing or two about apologizing in marriage...
Update: After writing this post I found a great, more in depth, post on apologizing in marriage from Happily Married After - check it out.
- Stop doing things that you need to apologize for! This one is pretty obvious the best apology is one that never has to be said!
- Sincerity is the key. You have to mean it, if you don't mean it, why apologize. Also, they usually know when you aren't sincere.
- Apologizing means that you will try to stop what you are apologizing for. For example, don't apologize for not helping out more around the house, if you don't intend on putting in a little effort.
- Apologize even if its not your fault. This is hard. This level of humility is very important in a marriage (expect a post dedicated to humility soon)
- Be the first to apologize. After an argument, always try to be the first to apologize! Apologizing second is the easy way out... give it to your wife.
Update: After writing this post I found a great, more in depth, post on apologizing in marriage from Happily Married After - check it out.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Date Your Wife: Kayaking!
The Date: It is a 3-day weekend, which may expand your dating possibilities. Unfortunately, we're going to have to wait until Monday to enjoy our date, because like many of you, we've got a busy weekend ahead of us. We have decided to go rent kayaks! We are lucky enough to have many places who offer this service near us (Seattle area). We did this same date while we were dating, and it is so much fun to goof around in the water and get a little exercise in the process. The weather should be warm and sunny, although the lake water will still be too cold for a swim. Also, maybe we will also get lunch afterward.
The Challenge: Now that we are into July, the weather should cooperate for an outdoor date for most of the country. Go outside and do something fun that you don't normally do together. Go hiking, kayaking, to the beach, or even just have a picnic! Whatever you decide, just make sure you date your wife this weekend!... Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: I'm not sure how much it will cost, but I am hoping that it won't be more than about $10-$20.
Update: First, I must tell you that I planned this date without consulting my wife. I had forgotten about her bad wrist, so kayaking might not be such a good idea right now. Also, she was able to pick up some work for most of the day on Saturday. So what I'm getting at, after all these excuses, is that we did not get to go on a date! One of the reasons I am posting our dates is to be accountable for dating my wife. I didn't do a good job dating my wife this weekend, but it was a crazy weekend (with the holiday and all). Anyway, I just have to make next weekend's date amazing!
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Movie Night at Home
The Challenge: Now that we are into July, the weather should cooperate for an outdoor date for most of the country. Go outside and do something fun that you don't normally do together. Go hiking, kayaking, to the beach, or even just have a picnic! Whatever you decide, just make sure you date your wife this weekend!... Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!
The Cost: I'm not sure how much it will cost, but I am hoping that it won't be more than about $10-$20.
Update: First, I must tell you that I planned this date without consulting my wife. I had forgotten about her bad wrist, so kayaking might not be such a good idea right now. Also, she was able to pick up some work for most of the day on Saturday. So what I'm getting at, after all these excuses, is that we did not get to go on a date! One of the reasons I am posting our dates is to be accountable for dating my wife. I didn't do a good job dating my wife this weekend, but it was a crazy weekend (with the holiday and all). Anyway, I just have to make next weekend's date amazing!
Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Movie Night at Home
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)