Help! How do you Discipline a Toddler?

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For the past couple of months my son, Joshua, has developed a whole new attitude.  Now this isn't particularly surprising since he turned 2 in May,but I am having the hardest time knowing how to discipline him in some circumstances.  Don't get me wrong, he's a very sweet boy; he gives kisses, hugs, and always says thanks you, but sometimes he acts like, well, a 2 year old. Since this is my first, any advice for handling the following situations?

• Picky Eating - My son is the pickiest eater I have ever met! He likes most breakfast food, but will only eat a handful of other things for lunch and dinner (PBJ, chicken nuggets, tomato soup, toast, crackers, etc.) He will not eat a single fresh fruit or vegetable, but will still eat some as pureed baby food. We recently decided to start withholding other food unless he eats a few bites of what we give him - his pediatrician says he won't starve himself, but I guess we'll see.  Do you have picky eaters? What have you found successful?

• Throwing Things or Hitting - Sometimes when Joshua doesn't get his way he will swing his arms and hit my wife or I.  This we immediately address and tell him its a "No-No." He also has begun to throw his toys that weren't meant to be thrown, Hotwheels cars in particular.  I feel that we do a good job with this, compared to other areas.  He usually will stop, but if he does it again he will get a timeout...Super Nanny style (which he have found to be very effective). What else has worked for you?

• Ignoring - Especially when I need to change his diaper - I ask him to come lay down, but he will completely ignore me!  I find that I just repeat myself over and over again, and when I try to be stern, I feel like I am yelling (Where's the line there anyway?).  I know some people do the "I'm going to count to 3" technique, but we have not implemented this yet...any one recommend it? What else works?

How to be a Better Husband and Father: Patience

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Patience. Maybe it is because this is my greatest weakness, but I feel patience can do more for your relationships with your wife and children then almost any other single trait. 

Now, I'm not talking about the kind of impatience that causes anger leading to spouse or child abuse, I'll leave that to the professionals.  What I am talking about is impatience leading to raising your voice or saying things "in the heat of the moment" that you will regret later.  You all know what you can say to your wife that would hurt her the most, do you choose to say that thing and hurt her?  Also, when your 2 yr-old son poops on the floor, do you get angry, or laugh it off? (This actually happened yesterday, but I was excited because it was his first time not in his diaper!)

In fact, even if  your impatience is not directed at your wife or children it can still have a negative impact.  For example, there have been so many times where I've been playing basketball, driving, or even watching sports on TV when I've done something out of anger or frustration.  This is huge disappointment and embarrassment to my wife.

What can we do to improve it? believe me, I have tried many things to improve my patience, so let me share with you two things that I have found to help.  It is a difficult road, I am still walking down it, but these things have helped:

• Pray for patience -  Many people need help being patient.  When you get angry, you feel powerless to control it. God can give us this power.
• Give yourself a "timeout" - I actually learned this from my wife (she uses it very successfully) when you feel angry, but before you act on it, get away from the situation.  Do everything you can to remove yourself from the source of your anger....temporarily. Come back in a few minutes when you feel confident you will behave appropriately.

What are your thoughts about patience in family life? any helpful hints you can give me for my pursuit of patience?

Date Your Wife: Movie Night at Home

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The Date: This weekend we are planning on doing a free (or close to free) movie night at home!  We will probably rent a movie via Redbox and make our favorite movie snack: popcorn with M&Ms.  After our son is in bed we will snuggle up on the couch with our goodies and enjoy the show!  This is probably my favorite cheap date.  Not sure what movie we will watch, it probably depends on what the Redbox has, but when your trying to impress your wife, you can't go wrong with a chick-flick.  Also, since this doesn't allow a lot of conversation, we'll be sure to add pillow talk after the movie.

The Challenge: Why not have a movie night with your wife this weekend? Its easy, inexpensive, doesn't require a babysitter, and a lot of fun! To take it a step further, rent a movie she's been wanting to see and/or surprise her with her favorite movie snack.  Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!

The Cost: $0 -$5. This date is very affordable.  A dollar for the movie (if you go with Redbox) and a couple dollars for the snack! 

Update: I was so excited for this date we ended up doing is last night! We rented Invictus and had some popcorn and Root Beer.  It was a really fun time to spend with my wife and relax and unwind together.  The best part? it was only $1.50! 

Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series
Last Week's Date: Sprint Triathlon

A Trend Towards More Women and Moms in the Workforce

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I came across an article recently that got my attention from The Atlantic titled "The End of Men." This title naturally got my attention, so I dove in to see what I could find.

The article is VERY long, and I didn't have 4 hours to read all of it so I only got about half-way through. But, unless there was a big "JK" at the end of the article, I don't think I missed anything.  I will say, however, that many interesting statistics were provided and the trend of more women in the workforce is impossible to refute, but I believe she takes it a bit too far. Here are a few of my reactions to it...

"With few exceptions, the greater the power of women, the greater the country’s economic success."

I don't care what numbers she's looking at, implying that women having more power in an economy causes success is a stretch.  Could it be that when an economy is more successful it provides more opportunities for woman to have power by shifting jobs from labor to intellectual industries without consideration of which gender has more power?

I believe Men and Woman are equal.  However, I believe God has given us different inherent qualities that provides balance in the family, which the article wrongly categorizes as "old stereotypes and habits."  For example, men were given competitiveness to be able to provide for their family, and women, patience to nurture and care for their children (not to mention a higher tolerance for pain for childbirth!).  I am not opposed to women in the workforce, but this article seemed to belittle men and lessen their importance in the economy and society!

Top 5 Things Every New Husband Should Know

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Happy Summer!

Since today is the first day of summer and wedding season is already in full swing, I thought I would would share my list of 5 lessons every new husband should know:

#1 - Love is a choice - This is a difficult one to accept.  I didn't want to believe it, thinking/hoping the honeymoon feeling will last forever, but it does not!  As time goes on a concerted effort most be made to love your wife. Find out how your wife best feels love and continually tell and show her that you love her.

#2 - Marriage is like a roller coaster - When I got married I was told there will be arguments and contention, but I was so naive that I thought "why does there have to be any fighting?...not in my marriage!"  However, I found this to be unrealistic very quickly.  Contention comes and goes in waves, and so do challenges with money, health, and parenting; so have patience and enjoy the ride.

#3 - From "me" to "us" - In reality, its from "me" to "her."  You are now living your life for your wife and family.  Every decision you make, you must consider impacts on your family.  Its no longer what you want for dinner, or what you want to watch, etc, its what "we" want.  And I would suggest more often than not, its what she wants, because they should get their way most of the time!

#4 - Finance 101 - Money can very easily cause contention in marriage.  It is very important early on to have honest and open dialogue about hows this is gong to work in your marriage: joint account? who pays the bills? etc... If you are like most Americans, you will also go through times of financial instability, during these times develop flexible and specific budgets, and be honest with your wife about purchases.

#5 - Sacrifices - When you are married you must make sacrifices for you wife.  One small example of a sacrifice is leisure time activities.  Now, I believe it is important for you to have your separate hobbies, but, we must make sure our wife's needs are being met first; you will probably play less golf when you are married. You now serve your wife, she is number one, your ultimate goal is for her to be happy.  You do what it takes to make that happen.

Did I miss anything? What advice would you give for a newly married husband?

Happy Father's Day!

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I just wanted to throw up a quick post to all father's out there, Happy Father's day!

A Father is so important in the life of a child.  A large part of who I am today is a result of my father.  In fact, I still look to my father frequently for life advice.  The importance of fatherhood is one reason why I started this blog; It's not enough just to be a father, but our goal should be to always become a "Better Father"...no matter how good we think we are.

For additional thoughts on fathers, please see the following posts:

Fathers and Husbands as Spiritual Leaders in the Home
My Top 5 Way to be a Better Father

So, Thanks for stopping by and having the desire to become a Better Father for your children and Happy Father's Day!

Date Your Wife: Sprint Triathlon

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The Date: Tomorrow is our Sprint Triathlon.  I did this one last year and this is the first one for my wife! We have been planning this "date" for about a year now.  We have been training and getting ourselves ready and we are very excited to be participating in this race.

Most importantly, we are doing this together; we signed up for the non-competitive category and will be racing along side each other all the way!  I think this has already brought us closer together as a couple.  We set a mutual goal and have supported each other and worked hard to accomplish it.  Unfortunately, my wife's morning sickness started this week, but she is tough and is fighting through it to accomplish this goal.

The Challenge: A Triathlon obviously requires planning, well in advance, so why not go for a run together this weekend? go to the gym? a long walk? Support and encourage each other to go harder than you think you can.  This can be a very fun date! Let me know your date plans for this weekend in the comments!

The Cost: Our Triathlon was $75/person, plus some additional equipment.  Most exercise dates are absolutely free!

Update: What a fun morning at the triathlon we had! We were prepared for cold water in the lake, but it was VERY COLD! Once we got over that we had such a great time. We were able to cheer each other on, and just enjoy each others company while swimming, biking, and running.  It was so much fun to support my wife on her first triathlon, and accomplish our goal together.  How was your date this weekend?

(Click here for more info about the Date Your Wife series)

Date Your Wife: An Introduction

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Introducing a new weekly series at Better Husbands and Fathers... Date Your Wife!

The Date Your Wife series will consist of a weekly Friday post with a single date idea for the upcoming weekend.  It is my intention that my wife and I will then go on that date over the weekend and I will update the post with how it went.

In addition, you will also be challenged to also take part  in the week's specified date (or something similar) with your wife, or make your own plans and share them with everyone in the comments!  My goal is to encourage more spousal dating. With enough participation this can be a valuable resource for husbands to be Better Husbands by dating their wives each week.


Stay tuned tomorrow morning for the first installment!

PS - In the future I hope to incorporate giveaways for Date Your Wife participants, but still trying to figure that out and work it into my limited budget.

Father's Day Expectations

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Happy Fathers Day to all you "Better Fathers" out there!

As I was thinking about the upcoming Fathers day, I started considering the differences between Mother's Day and Father's Day.  To me, and to most, Father's day pales in comparison to Mother's Day.  I have even heard it said that Mother's day gift buying is second only to Christmas (though I can't back that up).  It got me thinking about how people celebrate their Fathers on this day, and what Fathers expect. it leads me to the following question: What are your expectations on Father's Day?  

Here's mine...

As a Father, I do not feel the need to have a special day to recognize the role that I have (this does not mean, however, that I won't welcome the break from cooking or doing the dishes!).  I do what I do because I love my family and because its what I believe I'm supposed to do. I need no special recognition for doing what I'm supposed to.

Since my son is only 2 yrs old, I view any father's day "pampering" simply as a statement of love from my wife, which are, of course, always welcome. I don't expect any gifts and have made a deal with my wife for her not to purchase any, all I expect is a smile, a kiss, and a thank you from both my son and wife! That would make my day!

Good News! Baby #2 on the way!

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After being told it may be difficult to become pregnant again my wife, Lisa, and I decided to start giving it a shot.  To our surprise, 2 weeks later we found out that SHE IS PREGNANT (2 weeks ago).  While the ease of getting pregnant was a bit of a surprise, it was a very welcome one.  We are very excited, but a bit nervous to see what this pregnancy brings...here's why...

Early in her pregnancy with our only child, Joshua, Lisa was diagnosed with a Bicornuate, or heart-shaped uterus, and we were told that the odds were against us that she would carry him full-term.  Sure enough the trouble started at 15 weeks gestation and continued off and on until she was about 27 weeks along. At about 27 weeks, she was admitted into the hospital on bed-rest rest due to a bleeding and contractions.  She was in and out of the hospital until one day while she was in the hospital an emergency C-Section was deemed necessary.  She was only 29 weeks and 6 days gestation.  This was very scary for us and many prayers were uttered and tears shed. Although at about 30 weeks, his chances of survival in our day and age was pretty good, it comes with a lot of risks and potential side-effects.  This is Joshua at 4 days old, he needed a little help breathing with CPAP, and 40 days in the NICU, but overall was born a healthy little boy at 3 lbs 12 oz.

You can understand now, why a new pregnancy brings back the experiences of the first and with it a lot of emotions.  Its daunting to think we will probably have similar experiences with Baby #2 and can only hope that it also has a similar happy ending.  Here is Joshua at 2 years old, he has caught up with his size, and the only effect of his prematurity is that he is far-sighted, so he just got the cutest glasses!

Joshua's journey to earth made our marriage stronger as we had to lean on each other for emotional and physical support.  God also taught us many important lessons through those trials, one being how miraculous the pregnancy process is and another how much a child can bless our lives.  While there were some postive lessons learned,  we would definitely be grateful for a nice smooth, full-term, 2nd pregnancy!

So, wish me luck and let me know, in the comments, what to expect with 2! Also, any other fathers of Preemies out there? Whats your story?

Do Opposites Attract?

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After spending all week with my wife this past week in Florida and the Bahamas, I realized more than ever how different we are from each other.  You know, music preferences in the car, food tastes, interests, what do to with free time, etc.  and it has only brought us closer!

While this has been frustrating at times in the past, how great it is to have somebody by your side to "complete you" to be everything you're not and to motivate you to get out of your comfort zone. I am grateful for my wife for playing that role. For example, my idea of a perfect vacation is to travel to see places and do things, while she would be more than happy sitting on a beach for a week straight relaxing.  She probably wanted to relax more this past week than we did, but she did slow me down and helped me realize I don't always have to be going 100 mph.

I do believe the phrase "Opposites Attract" applies to marriage.  Husbands, when we are stressed out at work (or home) we may not be able to see how wonderful these differences are, and you may see them as a cause for contention (I have).  Just remember, God has established these differences in your marriage to make each of you better people; So, learn from each other, support each other, and make your differences productive!

What do you think...Do opposites attract? does it cause contention? or are you able to make your differences productive?

PS- Having no access to a computer was probably the best thing to happen to me during our vacation! you don't realize how much time you spend on a computer until you can't use one for a while, but I am looking forward to being more active on the blog again!

Marriage Without Fidelity!?!

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I recently came across an article from The Washington Post which had "humans aren't naturally monogamous" in it's title, check it out and you won't believe what you read.


I can't even describe how strongly I disagree with this article and the author of the book "Sex at Dawn." While I am no PhD, I know that God established the sanctity of marriage and infidelity is not "natural," but occurs when one gives into the temptations of Satan.

At one point the the article states "Ryan's hope is that the book will prompt readers to question their beliefs about monogamy." Unfortunately all this does is give men excuses to have extramarital affairs, which there is no excuse for.

Plus, any Marriage theory inspired from the Clinton's has got to have its flaws.

What do you think about Ryan's theory?

Vacationing Without the kid(s)!!

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As you read this, my wife and I are cruising the Bahamas! It is a much needed break from the stress of life.  Including a break from the stress of parenting our 2 yr old son.  That's right, we ditched him with his grandparents and took off for a week long vacation.

Can we afford it? not really, but we really believe that this sort of couple time is extremely important for the well-being of the marriage.  While, I don't advocate going into debt for a vacation, I do advocate doing fun things where you get to spend extra time getting to know your bride all over again - without the kid(s)!  We will have no distractions from focusing on each other the entire week and we are sure looking forward to it!

Wife or Children?

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If you've read much of my blog before, you might be are aware that I view the relationship men have with their wives above their relationship with their children.  I thought I would dedicate a post to share my thoughts on this topic.

Obviously both being a good father and husband is important, or I would not have dedicated a blog to both relationships.  However, your wife is more important than your children! I say this not to take away from the relationship between father and child, but only to stress the importance of the sacred relationship that is marriage.  Your children will grow, move out, create family of their own within the marriage relationship.  Marriage is the foundation of life.  Children are great, but they too turn to marriage.

Often in pop culture or entertainment we see people neglecting their spouse to be with their children, because their children are the most important people in their lives.  In reality your spouse is, or should be, the most important person in your life (on earth!).  So husbands, treat your wives like it!.  This is one reason I started this blog, to create dialogue and share ideas, because I want to nurture my wife and make her happier than she ever imagined she could be!